I have been wanting to write this post for a week now but keep getting stuck, so instead of letting that go on for much further, I decided to go down the path of some of the greats and simply let my thoughts stream onto my keyboard for you all to read.
This started when I saw that Oprah Winfrey once said “Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.”
I was not feeling the energy whatsoever. None of what I did excited me in any way, it was just a monotonous repetitive day by day that I had to do in order to get back to my books or my movies. I realized I did not have the drive to keep going whatsoever and that scared the living hell out of me.
I didn’t recognize myself. That was most definitely not who I was, I was the person that was always pushing for more, working harder, wanting so badly to come out on top. And I did. Time and time again, I kept at it, excited and motivated, until one day I was not.
Trying to pinpoint at what point I had lost the hum, as Shonda Rhimes described it in her TED talk, proved pointless. I don’t know when I had lost it, I just knew that I woke up one day and realized I had been missing it for a while.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I was doing an internship that can only be described as a blessing. I was surrounded by people who shared a lot of the same values I did in regards to growth and constant learning, I was pushed to explore my own interests and even learned how to create digital art when I never in my life thought I would have. I fit right in and was thriving socially… yet the puzzle still didn’t quite fit.
I stopped thinking about when it was I had lost the spark and started leaning towards why. I realized that as good as I was at what I was doing in my internship, it wasn’t for me. It didn’t align with what I saw for myself, how I defined my own personality. That was when it hit me. The last time I ever felt any sort of drive and excitement was when I was passing on my own wealth of knowledge to others.
It hit me that for as long as I remember, I have felt deep down that I was an educator. I had a dream of seeing young minds light up in discovery of their own passions. And just like that, a little hum returned.
Then I fought with myself. Did I really want to choose that path? Was I really meant to do this or was it just a feeling because I didn’t enjoy my current work? I had a lot of questions but decided to apply for teaching jobs anyway, leave it up to God’s will in the end.
Yesterday, I got a call. “Ms. Dima? We would love to meet with you.”
The hum is in full swing.